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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: October 22nd, 2013, 6:15 pm 
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Any woman can wear a bathing suit but not every woman can look great in one!

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: October 24th, 2013, 10:55 am 
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The president urged Congress to work together in a bipartisan way in order to get things done. However cooperation is just not in their DNA . By and large Republicans hate new legislation, while Democrats don't care what's in a bill, as long as it's mandatory.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: October 27th, 2013, 6:07 pm 
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"Had it not been for the mass selling of vaccines, Pasteur's germ theory of disease would have collapsed into obscurity." - E. Douglas Hume

** This one is true, not funny. Also, did you know that Hume was a woman who had to write under a male name in order to be published? How quaint (and stupid) they were. We've gained no ground in that regard - now the medical industry ignores EVERYONE who doesn't agree with exactly what they say.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: October 28th, 2013, 11:09 am 
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Taken from Argus Hamilton's ZINGERS in today's JWR.

Ha!

"Bobby Kennedy according to a new book stole JFK's brains from a container where they were stored in the National Archives. It's big news. There was actually once a time in this country when the United States had a president whose brains were worth stealing."

**Not true of our last two, for sure. :twisted: :?

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: November 7th, 2013, 9:02 am 
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This is from Argus Hamilton's newest page of Zingers.

= = = = = = = =

"Wall Street titan Steven Cohen agreed to a plea deal with U.S. prosecutors Monday for insider trading on the stock exchange. He will pay a two-billion-dollar fine from the ten billion dollars he's made in the market. The idea is to teach him that crime doesn't pay."

= = = = = = = =

Do you think Cohen will be convinced? How about convicted?

Neither? Yeah, me too.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: January 1st, 2014, 12:03 pm 
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When asked what it takes to be a great cook the chef said that it boils down to beating the other chefs to the cutting edge recipes.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: January 8th, 2014, 9:51 pm 
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It's so damn cold outside I actually saw a Liberal with his hands in his own pockets!

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: January 29th, 2014, 2:41 pm 
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This was on the Shoe comic column this morning, so I decided to share it here. Very true!

"I heard there's a new social networking site for politicians.

Oh yeah, what's it called?

Two-face book".

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: ;)

** The only thing I see wrong with this is that most politicians have many more than two faces. 8-)

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: January 29th, 2014, 2:52 pm 
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This is funny - - - but it isn't.

= = = = = = = = = = = = =

Stalking is when two people go on a long romantic stroll together and only one of them knows about it.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: February 6th, 2014, 7:19 pm 
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When raw milk and raw milk cheese are criminalized, only criminals will have raw milk and raw milk cheese.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: February 21st, 2014, 1:31 pm 
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This isn't really funny - but it's probably closer to the truth than many folks would like to admit. Especially the 1%. They'll never acknowledge stuff like this.

[quote]
President Obama was in Fresno to bemoan the California drought Friday. Then he played golf in Palm Springs on courses that use up one-fourth of the underground water. The club members make up for all the millions of gallons of water they use by ordering their Scotch neat.
[end quote]

Taken from this link: http://www.jewishworldreview.com/0214/hamilton.php3

** How many times have you heard me ***** and complain about all the water they use to keep useless golf courses green? This, to me, is just about the most ridiculous waste of water in the entire history of the USA. What are we thinking??

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: March 3rd, 2014, 9:43 am 
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As the farmer passed the gorgeous woman he did everything he could to a tractor attention.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: March 4th, 2014, 9:42 am 
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The dermatologist was an avid gardener but he had a problem with moles.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: March 7th, 2014, 8:22 am 
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When you purchase stuff south of the border, you don't Peso much.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: March 14th, 2014, 7:54 am 
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A high-class Lakota cook is a Sioux chef.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: March 15th, 2014, 1:44 pm 
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“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career.”
― C.S. Lewis

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: March 26th, 2014, 7:53 am 
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When milking a nervous goat, kid gloves should be used.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: April 6th, 2014, 6:15 pm 
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APACHE BLESSING

May the sun bring you new energy every day,

May the moon softly restore you by night,

May the rain wash away your worries,

May the breeze blow new strength into your being,

May you walk gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: April 16th, 2014, 8:15 am 
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Old carpenters never die, they just lumber around.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: April 17th, 2014, 9:49 am 
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This is no joke, but no one in authority seems to be doing anything about it. Imagine that.

[quote]
More equal - Sharpton owes the government almost twice what the government alleges this rancher owes. The rancher gets raided and Sharpton gets invited to the White House to party down with our man-child president and gets the president to attend his convention. When will the government surround Al Sharpton to collect the back taxes he owes?
Comment at cnn.com via fonzannoon, comment 4649748 at zerohedge.com
[end quote]

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: April 21st, 2014, 7:32 am 
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My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: May 11th, 2014, 11:39 am 
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All that is not permitted is forbidden. Pretty soon all things will be forbidden because we asked for permission.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: May 16th, 2014, 6:26 am 
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An embrace at a nudist colony is a bare hug.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: May 16th, 2014, 12:47 pm 
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It's not privacy we should desire; it's the preservation of our RIGHT to privacy. That, we should never relinquish.

NEVER buy the argument that, "if you've nothing to hide; you've no reason to need privacy."

This goes for freedoms, too, as much as it goes for privacy. It's the preservation of our right to freedoms that we should never relinquish. Those freedoms came to us through the US Constitution and if we continue to let our leaders reject or ignore the Constitution, well, let's just say we will get what we deserve for not paying attention and reacting to a subversive threat against all of us. Apparently not everyone in america has figured this out.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: May 21st, 2014, 9:12 am 
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When I was young, I decided to go to Medical School.
At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the
letters PNEIS and form the name of an important
human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered spine are doctors today while
the rest of us are sending jokes via email.


= = = = = = = = = = =

It's ok, I didn't wanna be a doctor anyway. Being a Mom is much more rewarding. 8-)

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: May 22nd, 2014, 7:40 am 
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The farmer was surprised when his pumpkin won a blue ribbon at the State Fair. He shouted, 'Oh, my gourd.'

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: May 23rd, 2014, 7:44 am 
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A German vegetarian drives a Volks Vegan.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: May 30th, 2014, 6:39 am 
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I refuse to work with compost, it's degrading. :shock: :mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: July 21st, 2014, 7:48 am 
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The optometrist ran for mayor because he was a visionary.

** Maybe Rand Paul, the opthalmologist, was/is also a visionary, huh?!!?

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: August 14th, 2014, 11:13 am 
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People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters.

Sadly, it isn't that people "lack patience" it's that they are not being taught this sort of thing anymore unless THEY seek it out themselves. Problem is, before too long no one will be able to teach these types of subjects because the ones who did will be old and/or dead and then who will teach it? This is what's happening because of our dumbing down common core school system. I do not understand people who think common core is a good thing. It is, as many have pointed out, and as I've said many times "a complete and purposeful dumbing down of our whole society from age 2 and up".

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: August 25th, 2014, 7:44 am 
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Yogi had a whiskey, water, and tea drink every night. He was a toddy bear.

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: September 4th, 2014, 7:57 am 
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What was the leader of Russia's favourite food? Czardines!

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: September 11th, 2014, 6:43 am 
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Does working for UPS make you a professional boxer?

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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: September 11th, 2014, 8:03 am 
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ya know, some of these are real groaners....and that makes them funny :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Quotes, puns, favorite sayings, etc.
PostPosted: September 11th, 2014, 8:29 am 
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I try to put only the jokes and puns I think are truly funny (or have a message), and the quotes need to have a true message. Otherwise, I don't bother with them. But you're right - there are some real groaners here!

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